i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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