Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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