He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
