Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
