Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
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He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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