Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
