Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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