how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
