Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
