it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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