Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
