It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
