apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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