Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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