I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
