I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
