Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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