Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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