shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
