I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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