You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
