I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
