i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
