i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
