and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
