how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize