My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
