Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I touched a dick in church today
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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