Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's even glitter on my cock...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
