it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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