Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
