Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
