Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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