just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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