I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
