Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
