I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
