haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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