Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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