No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
