I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
