so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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