I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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