I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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