It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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