maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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