I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
