We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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