you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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