Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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