is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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