...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
