i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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