I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
