his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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