No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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