His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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